Save the Super-Love!

I originally did a post about this subject that was actually a bit hasty and not so thought out. I got a great single criticism for it, and when I delved into the respondent’s comments I realized that I wasn’t really looking at the situation with total self-honesty. That’s why I gave it a total re-write with a more fully realized take on the matter.

Who would you choose to give your love to if you were Superman? Would you pick Lois Lane, Wonder Woman, or neither? I’m just saying neither because it’s always an option, but it’s probably not one that’s going to be offered. In simpler times, it was examined ad nauseum. Lori Lemaris, Lana Lang, Luma Lynai, and every other girl who initialed her documents like Lex Luthor (I left out Barda, who he made a porno flick with. He was under mind-control then) got an issues worth of wooing. These days, it always boils down the former two. On the one hand, there’s Lois, the first and foremost. You know her, but here’s a sketch in case you were looking for a way back to your lost world online and Googled the word alien and ended up here: Earth woman, very assertive and empowered, diligent reporter who is very interested in seeking out and exposing truth at any cost, fearless, apparently pretty attractive, and is portrayed in most cases as being very balanced in terms of anima/animus. Wonder Woman? Depends on canon, so let’s go with a composite: Somewhat otherworldly, very assertive and empowered, diligent fighter, crusader for truth, gorgeous, very balanced in terms of anima/animus, not very likely to get killed by anything less than cosmic-level threat, wears costume and belongs to team of other superheroes that he belongs to as well. Well, I actually don’t have an answer I like when I look at it that way. Not the one I want to give, anyhow.

What do I want the answer to be? Lois OR neither. What I’m not into is Clark and Diana. Not NOW anyway. I was, back in 1988 when Action Comics #600 came out. The story is classic. After a few months of buildup, the two finally meet through parties close to the lady who contact Clark Kent, and task him with setting up a rendezvous. They meet at night in a private spot and immediately, they lock in a passionate embrace and kiss. This actually takes place before the issue, and when we open the cover to the actual book in question, we see a look of wide-eyed horror on Di’s face. Not good. Darkseid shows up and rudely interrupts their date and when it resumes the consensus is that he’s a doey-eyed farmer boy and she’s a nigh-goddess member of royalty and that a romance would be Super-ficial. Done. I, as a hormonally led teeny bopper was almost apoplectic. They gave up THAT easy? Not even a second date?? I felt robbed. The main reason for my zeal was how enthused I was about both of these characters. It was a brave new world then. Supes was a year into the classic John Byrne revamp, with Diana the same but with George Perez. They were exciting times, and I wanted even more excitement. There was Lois in the background, fairly devastated, and I did feel sorry for her, no doubt. Still, I thought a year of this at least could be smashing fun. Throughout the canon thereafter, the specter was there, stronger and lesser depending on the time, but never quite gone. I had some hope throughout and it morphed into incredulousness. Clark married Lois in two venues of media, and it STILL bugged me. She just seemed like the right choice and no one wanted to admit it. The creative decision concerning the pair was that they would become very best friends. This only happened, of course, when it was in HER book. External to that, it was either Bats or Jimmy or whoever. Still just seemed like a way to side-step something so damned obvious; in fact, bursting at the seams. In one storyline, the JLA winds up trapped on Asgard for a THOUSAND years. He’s with her the whole time, and nothing happens at all. They return at the time on Earth that they left, and he tells Mrs. Kent nothing. She finds out from Di, who proceeds to tell her that for that whole 10 centuries, he never stopped talking about Lois. Sweet? Sure. I loathe that story just the same. See, I want my Superman human, and given that we KNEW he was attracted to the princess, it made him seem ridiculous. Further, who would even want to be loved THAT hard? I mean, it’s easy to say, but if your partner was trapped somewhere for a thousand years would you not be wigged out by the fact that they never stopped blabbing about you, or didn’t stray with arguably the most attractive person alive, as beautiful as Aphrodite? I’d have to say I appreciate the gesture, but that doesn’t even seem right or righteous. Pragmatic little me, I guess. Diana had even stated that she was a know-nothing fool when she shunned him for being a hick. Again, super-human is fine, inhuman is another affair altogether.

So what’s my beef with the joining finally taking place? I’m not as much angry as I am apathetic, where the two central figures are concerned. I gave them a year to wow me. I went in with the excitement I had back around ’87, to be honest. I was ready for a new golden dawn, and was frankly getting bored with the DC Universe in general. So many Crises, an erratic, constantly re-tooled JLA, JSA was not the same after Johns left, Wonder Woman was rutted to distraction, and it needed to go fresh. Others whined when the news came out, but not me. I was totally the cheerleader. I finished my first issues with some hope and some concerns. I gave it a year, then I just decided I wasn’t into it at all, for reasons I can’t begin to cover here. I view it peripherally now, mainly online, some reviews and previews, and scans at the comic shop. Moreover, I have not seen Wonder Woman develop to the point that I want her sucked into a romance-action title. I don’t even know who she is yet, and from what I’m reading, no one else seems to either. The ire I have is, as usual, with company Creative and the tentacles of Warner Brothers. They made no secret before the line was launched that Supes wouldn’t be hooking up with Lois and that would leave time for Diana; totally pre-asserted. I felt my eighteen year old self stirring in newfound anticipation and by the time the story was set up, I was over it, and it’s nature as a flaccid marketing ploy was pathetically obvious. There’s a definite lack of excitement about it everywhere I’ve looked. I’ve seen no one voice a note of zeal or endorsement about this new title, it’s very “because NO ONE demanded it!”. Further, I’ve spent the better part of 40 years awaiting the return of Sensation Comics. Only seemed fair the the distaff Trinity member should have a second title to expand her mythos with. Now, it’s gonna be another damned Superman book. That kind of makes me ill. My ONLY hope, were I still invested, would be that when the relationship inevitably crumbles it would become a World’s Finest team with her in place of Ol’ Pointy Ears. I guess that’s something, even if it’s ultimately too little, too late.

So, as stated, he could choose nothing. Does he need an ongoing lover? Some heroes have them, some don’t. Some have slews of romantic liaisons, so why couldn’t he just be a serial monogamist? I don’t see him ever being loose or the cheating two-timer (though these days, who knows…) but it might be interesting for a few years to see him deal with a berth of different women of different stripes both as Clark and his high-flying alter ego to show us some decent character examination.

Of course, in the end it’s got to be the reporter. It just does. Again, the staff made it clear that this relationship wasn’t going to be there in the reintroduced story-line. Makes sense, given the marriage of the previous one. Super-hero marriages don’t usually make it for the longest haul, and are usually scratched when revamps occur. They were hitched for 15 years after dating for 60, so I think waiting a while to jump back in wasn’t really a bad decision. I do know that editors and writers are keeping Ms. Lane in the front of the bus story-wise, and that’s good. No matter the relationship, she should be there. What route will it take when the day comes? No idea, and I hope by then shifting will occur that re-invests me in the line so I can watch and enjoy. As far as versions go, I’m very enamored of the on-screen relationship from “Man of Steel”. I like the idea of Lois being the one who knows Clark, the real one- not the glasses wearing buffoon whose daily proximity to her makes her look like a fool. The dynamic therein is so intimate and understandable. That relationship is unfortunately not what’s been set up in the root media here. When they do come together, will it be fresh and exciting, or will it be more of the same from 75 years? Hopefully not. I’ve had this little idea for a few years now on how to spice up the affair. Allow me to be totally self-indulgent and lay it on you. Bear with me, and don’t dismiss it from the first sentence, please. What if they gave LL a little super-power? When I say a super-power, I don’t mean make her more like him, not at all.

 Don’t make her a card-carrying super-heroine. I’m thinking something VERY specific, and it’s not a power that would make her every day advantaged by a long shot, and would embellish the nature of their union. Here goes: what if, by some accident earthly or otherwise, Lois developed an immunity to all things Kryptonian? What if she couldn’t be penetrated by heat or x-ray vision? What if, when slapped by one of the former natives, it was like she was being slapped by a human? If Kal catches her falling from a building they could both fall to their deaths, since he would be vulnerable and unable to fly when physical connection=loss of flight=no more damsel in distress. When in his woman’s arms, he’s a normal man, and only then. She’s the only person he’s truly human with. There’s some heart for you. If he goes rogue, she might be the only one on Earth who can subdue him and kick his Super-ass. Supergirl smarts off? Pop her one. Krypto misbehaves-grab that mongrel by the scruff and spank his tail. It takes away the archaic elements of our girl. It makes her free from the prying nature of her lover’s powers, even when unintentional. It makes the relationship itself more multi-faceted, and levels the playing field. The idea is pregnant with prospective story lines. Lois gets brought in by a covert agency to avert Kryptonian threats. Possessed or controlled Lois is the enemy he can’t beat with infinite advantage when she ambushes him, and she’s off the radar of his empowered ears. Phantom Zone jail-break? Here’s your next line of defense. She’d still be subject to being preyed upon by the average super-villain, and would have to use her noggin. Superman showing up to save the day would mean NO physical contact for him to get the job done with yellow-sun dependent abilities. No more carrying her to the skies, just two lovers on a stroll, holding hands. I could go all day.

There are so many needless revisions and omissions going on in mainstream comics re-boots these days, and few really fuel new and exciting aspects of the characters they would have us to believe they are trying to improve. I want character driven, not just sales driven and everything that’s happening seems so transparent and faddish. I guess to some extent it’s been that way for a long time, it just seems so much more-so now, and maybe that’s just the hell of wisened aging. Seems like a hefty amount of readers are seeing it too, and they could be in the same boat. Maybe it’s a little of all. I think if the people behind the decisions looked at the heaps of material that’ve become legend and are selling at 75 bucks a pop in Absolute editions and such, they’d see that stepping back from the hard-sell and letting creative types bring flair to older concepts like the Kent/Lane love story, they’d get a more devoted and excited audience. I haven’t abandoned hope, I’m just holding onto my wallet until something wows me back into the fold. Save the Super-Love!

LEAVE ME A LOVE NOTE OR A BREAK-UP LETTER- I LOVE FEEDBACK.